Knock Knock

Year: 2009
Scene of the Crime: My studio apartment building

Time of Day: Any time of day

Moral of the Story: Get thicker walls and cover up the peephole

Rating: 3 out of 5 goose bumps (the bad kind)

Against my better judgement I agreed to go on a date with my next door neighbor, but was more interested in being friends with him from the beginning since he wasn't necessarily my type. This particular guy was very nice and easy to small talk, never made any noise past 10 pm or cooked anything stinky. After what I thought was naturally reoccurring encounters in the laundry room, elevator and requests to borrow quarters and food items I thought-why not.

When we went out for lunch on a Saturday afternoon; he showed up at my door, because it was right next door to his own (we shared a wall).  We shared our elevator down to the lobby and walked to the restaurant together.  Meal went off with no major complaints and had the making to be great friends. Conversation was for lack of a better word-boring because we had very little in common. Obviously, we walked back to our apartment together, took the same elevator back to our floor, walked down the same hallway where we made our way into our own apartments with a wave of the hand and a "See ya around." 

This is the good part. After we walk into our own apartments, he texts me 10 minutes later to say "I forgot to tell you that you looked pretty at lunch. You did. You looked nice." Ok, I get it-it was better late than never. 

Over the course of several days I continue to get texts that say “I saw your light on and know you’re home….” or “Heard your TV on, want to hang out?” Finally, I had a ferocious knock at my door as I was getting out of the shower.  The banging wouldn't stop so I opened with bathrobe/turbie towel and all on only to find my neighbor standing there, red in the face with his hands on his hips. I was horrified to  have been seen in such a raw state and immediately thought our apartment building was on fire and he was so selflessly coming to my rescue.  But no, it wasn't…he was knocking because he had been texting me and could hear my phone's text notifications going off  and I wasn't responding.  He wanted to know if I was ignoring him.  In actuality I was not ignoring him, but just three minutes in of my 20 minute hot oil treatment. In case my sudsy appearance didn't clarify my communication delay, I politely explained the situation and my intent to be 'just friends' and that if I wanted to hang out, I knew where he lived. I did make it a point to ignore all future texts and calls from him. Luckily, he moved out of the building just a few months later and my new older, lady neighbor had no interest in texting me.