He Wrote a Dating Resume

Year: 2010

Scene of the Crime: West Loop/Bull's Game

Time of Day: Evening (work night)

Moral of the Story: Spends more than 30 seconds reading someone's resume
Rating: Neutral-no goose bumps, multiplying chills or butterflies

If you’ve got skills where better to showcase them but a resume, right? If you are looking to put yourself out there and upgrade yourself to a better position in the workplace this would be the most appropriate actionable step to take.  These job sites like Monster/Hotjobs are really just the job hunter’s version of Match.com.  They are looking for their dream job or candidate just like so many are scouting for their dream mate. You do your best not to brag, but still tote your best qualities in a humble yet impressive, neatly worded fashion. You showcase all of your best experiences, awards, accolades and ability to perform all required duties beyond expectations, as you are quite the catch and any employer should be lucky to have you.  You might be wondering where I am going with all this and I will tell you.  Four years ago, a good friend of mine wanted to set me up with a friend of hers from school.  I was open to it because she has great taste and would only have my best interest at heart-right?

I wasn't completely sold on the idea of a blind date, so she sent me an attachment in an email that was sure to seal the deal for me.  Upon opening this word document I see what is titled a "First Name_DATING RESUME".  This was too good to be true and from the beginning had the makings to be a great story. You know that feeling when someone is talking and sets you up for the perfect pun or ‘that’s what she said’ line.

Such competencies included the ability to grow a cromagnum-like beard, grilling styles only big ten tailgaters could appreciate, preference of being called a nickname over their birth name, skilled at fixing things with tools and being ‘really good with his hands’. The resume went on to include many other impressive manly accomplishments sure to dazzle any single lady with high standards (cough cough, eye roll-pff!)

Even more alarming is that I ended up going out with this fella and had a decent time.  He looked a lot like Jesus at a first and even a little like my older brother, which ruined any chance of this date turning romantic.  He was very funny which I had prayed he would be, otherwise the whole dating resume would have been the most pathetic and creepiest thing I had ever read. We decided to meet for dinner and drinks, then went to a semi-finals Bulls game. This was my first Bull’s game and they won, so that probably was 90% of the reason I had a great time. I am mildly obsessed jumbo-trons and dancing mascots. I found it odd that he took 16 pictures of us at the game, but whatever-stranger behaviors exist and this was no deal breaker.

To end this story with a note of advice, I would like to encourage you to trust your friends with set ups. It was reported that the most common way to meet a significant other is through friends (or friends of friends) or work. While it might be not be love right away, it could develop over time, turn into friendship and who knows, maybe his roommate or boss could be your match.  At the very least, it’s a new friend, couple of free drinks and probably a great story to share with your married friends to make them thankful they never have to brave the dating world any longer.